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Paraphila is an umbrella term used to cover the family of philias. In sexology, it is sometimes more widely used to cover atypical sexual interests or deviances. While the word paraphilia may seem alien, the philias it encompasses may seem slightly familiar. Think fetishes and unusual desires and you're on the right track!

Saturday, 3 November 2007

Take My Wife, Please!

Flip open any lads’ mag and the feverish appeal of attached women soon becomes apparent. Whether it’s photographs of ‘Readers Wives’ and MILFs (Mothers I’d Like To F***) or tales of extramarital liaisons, it seems that young men always seem to covet someone else’s wife. It’s hardly surprising that a quarter of UK divorces are blamed on adultery each year. For some men, these sexual dalliances are not only embraced but encouraged. To an outsider, this lifestyle may seem cuckoo, so I decided to find out why those active in the cuckolding scene call it the only way to love.

Traditionally, a cuckold, or cuck, became the object of scorn and derision after the revelation that his wife had found sexual fulfilment in another’s bed. It was often said that the cuckolded husband ‘left with his tail between another man's legs.’ Today’s cuckold is not only aware of his wife's ‘infidelities’ but sexually excited by them. Within the marital bed, most cucks maintain a normal sexual relationship with their wife. In some cases, however, the cuckolding lifestyle forces the cuck to accept that he has been completely replaced in his wife’s bed by her chosen bull or stud.

With the average man thinking of sex every few seconds, what could possibly attract one to choose a potentially celibate lifestyle? For many, submissive play is more than enough to keep their loins alight. Involving a total display of submission, cuckolding’s thrill comes from the knowledge that the wife and her lover are aware of his role. A husband can find pleasure in servitude to his wife and, in some cases, her lover. From serving breakfast in bed the morning after a tryst to performing cleanup on his wife and her lover, a cuck assumes the role of slave to the whims of his mistress. An added adrenalin rush can be found in the confusion of fear, lust, and humiliation which arises upon seeing his beloved entwined in the arms of another.
Men don’t necessarily have to be married or even be in a relationship to desire the thrills of cuckoldry. IT technician Kevin, 28, is one of many men who openly fantasize of being cucked. The bachelor from Cheshire discovered this alternative lifestyle while exploring submissive desires.

“I first realised that I was a cuck three years ago. I’ve stopped looking in the ‘normal’ places for girlfriends as I know that all I want now is a Mistress that I can serve in every way, shape and form. That includes seeing her being pleasured in a way that I never could. Now that is the buzz of being a cuck. Bulls carry eight inches plus compared to my measly four and a half. They have the youth, looks and confidence as well as sexual skills that I don’t. While I can cater many of her whims, I just wouldn’t be able to pleasure my mistress sexually in the way she deserves. The best present I could give her would be the opportunities to receive sexual adoration and pleasure from a young well-hung bull. That on its own is a turn-on, but the knowledge that she’s sexually attractive to and active with other men is a big thrill.”

Steven, 31, fondly remembers his days as a cuck and longs to recreate them with another. Married for four years, the ad-man and his wife shared a cuckolding lifestyle which frequently brought new men into their marital bed. Currently a bull, he believes the best thrills are found by the ‘scorned’ husband. Steven beams: “Being a cuck gives the biggest buzz of naughtiness. It fills you with a whirlwind of emotions. Excitement, jealousy and frustration race in your head. It’s a pleasure but torture at the time. I loved seeing her with another man especially as she would always do things to please him that she refused to do for me.”

Raging Bulls
While the cuck represents submission, weakness, impotency and lack of confidence, the bull assumes the role of alpha male in this unusual love triangle. With youth, looks, fertility, dynamisim, confidence and a penis in excess of eight inches, bulls can easily sexually possess another man's wife.

After divorcing his cuckoldress two years ago, Barney, 36, decided to remain active in the scene as a stud. While married, he felt the jealousy-fuelled lust of knowing his wife was not only sexually attractive to but active with other men. “Watching from the corner while my ex took another man to bed was so hot, but it’s nothing compared to having another man’s wife in his own bed.” Now a bachelor, the food technology lecturer realises: “It wasn’t until becoming a bull that I understood I was a Dom dressed in Sub’s clothing during my marriage.” Over the past year, he’s acted as bull to three couples whom he met at internet sites such as http://www.cuckoldplace.com/. Over the internet, he discusses arrangements with couples, including whether the husband prefers to watch. Utilising his professional skills, this chef has an unusual approach to foreplay. Barney reveals: “A week before meeting, I send them a chocolate model of my cock and ask them to take it bed with them – and a camera. The photos I get back are truly delicious and definitely whet my appetite.”

Not all cuckoldry arrangements are quite so sweet. For some couples, the BDSM-element of play is encouraged, rather than straightforward sex and voyeurism. Consensual humiliation, blackmail and bondage can be introduced to spice up the fun. London-bred John, a Dom, has been a bull for seven years. While active on the swingers’ scene, he became aware of cuckoldry and voyeurism and it left him hooked. The 35-year-old sales director confesses: “I’d never go back to straight swinging. There isn’t the opportunity to develop a connection there. What many people don’t understand is that it’s about so much more than sex. It’s about the largest sexual organ in your body: your brain.”

With any BDSM-type play, safety is paramount. At a nerve-filled first meeting, the threesome lay down ground rules. John enjoys dominating both the cuck and his wife. He explains: “I like to push people to their limits. Whether that’s placing a cuck in a cage while I have his wife or reminding him of his inability to pleasure her. But there must be a balance. All three of us must be getting something from the experience or it just doesn’t work.”

Confessions of a Cuckoldress

Browsing cuckolding websites, it soon becomes clear that this is a male-driven fetish. Cucks with names like ‘two-inch sissy’ interact with bulls with names like ‘big hard cock’. Finding a cuckoldress among them is a seemingly insurmountable task. Without this dominant female, no encounter is complete. Cuckoldress Stephanie Vega created Scandalouswomen.com as a meeting place for like-minded women. The 24-year-old stresses in a recent interview: “Remember, the key to cuckolding is the ‘unfaithful wife’. In the Scandalouswoman philosophy, the cuckoldress always has the power in the relationship.” Sometimes called a ‘hotwife’, these rare women have the sexual allure and dominance to not only actively control their cuck, but attract young bulls to the marital bed.

Mistress Madelaine, 42, from Weston-Super-Mare, has led a cuckolding lifestyle for seven years with her current partner. Her desire for this arrangement was a natural choice. The professional Dom explains: “You just can’t make a mistress or cuckoldress. Dominance cannot be taught. It needs no teaching; it’s just there waiting to be tapped.” Entering into a cuckolding relationship can be a long process. The cuckoldress recalls: “It took about two years from our first discussion for my other half to process those mixed emotions of jealousy and arousal. If you love someone completely, taking another man in your bed must be done thinking of the health and well-being of your lover. It isn’t something done lightly.” The choice has brought them closer. She confesses: “He knows me better than no other now. He knows what men attract me and which just don’t. He understands my body language and knows me inside-out.”

While cuckolding has led Madelaine to several real-life encounters with bulls, she finds that many on the scene restrict themselves to fantasy. For now, she finds that her biggest thrills come from teasing games with her partner of ten years. Speaking from her dungeon in Weston-Super-Mare, she giggles: “I’m just sending him a text right now which says ‘9 inches’. That’s bound to get him thinking this afternoon.”

To remedy the current drought of suitable playmates, Madelaine has expanded her business portfolio to include party planning. The professional cuckoldress is currently accepting applications for her first event via her website: www.MadelaineDom1.com. Held in the south west, she hopes to attract not only skilled bulls but the couples which will find pleasure in them.

Throughout the West, this lifestyle choice is gaining momentum as more couples enjoy a real-time wife swap. Cuck or cuckoo: the choice is yours.

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