Filth and Wisdom

Madonna's directorial debut, "Filth and Wisdom" has met mixed response from critics. You can catch a clip of her film which follows her tale of the Ukranian sex worker here. Judge for yourselves!

Take My Wife, Please!

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Grab it by the horns!

Sometimes, oldies can be goodies! In February 2006, BBC News reported an unusual Sudanese punishment for beastiality. While in the UK, there would be uproar of such an act, imprisonment and RSPCA action to stop the individual from possessing animals, they do it a bit differently in Sudan.

Mr Tombe, from Sudan, was forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal.

The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man in coitus with his goat and took him to a council of elders.

Mr Tombe was ordered to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi.

The owner said: "We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together."

Mr Alifi, of Hai Malakal in Upper Nile State, told Juba Post that upon hearing a loud noise around midnight on 13th February, he rushed outside to find Mr Tombe engaged in activity with his goat.

"When I asked him: 'What are you doing there?', he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up."

Mr Alifi contacted the elders for advice on how to deal with the situation and they advised not involving the police.

Mr Alifi told the newspaper that the elders suggested he "let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife."

I imagine it was one hell of a honeymoon night!

What an animal!

Judging by my household zoo of 3 cats and a pup, you could easily call me a pet-lover. Over the years, I've read many fantasies, tales and cases of sexual love for animals - snakes, horses, gerbils, oh my - however, I've never quite been able to 'get' it. Perhaps it was my sheltered upbringing, but the thought of an animal makes me feel quite asexual, I'm pleased to say. While I could never condone those sorts of acts, I've no right to stop anyone's fantasy - to each their own, I suppose.

While acts of beastiality leave me feeling disturbed and slightly more asexual than when I began writing this blog, my exposure to the sexual side of furry fandom has left me slightly scarred! With its own Wiki portal, this large group is on the increase as more and more people are turning to anthromorphic love.

Anthropomorphic or “humanised” animals have existed since early civilisations such as ancient Egypt. In many cultures, man has created animals with human traits. However, it's only been since the 1980's that furry”fandom has been recognized as a distinct community. With fans found globally, they are bound by their affection for these fanciful creatures and their longing to become them themselves.

In a Usenet posting, a member calling himself furry fan Dr Pepper explains his desire to the newbie. And of course there's mention of sex, after all we are at heart animals with primal urges. He writes: " Long as we're getting free of social conventions, we might as well get to sex. Most furries are interested in the concept of sex between themselves as themselves, or themselves as their personas, with other such creatures. This differs from simple bestiality in that the partner is another mature sapient. So regardless of the species difference, it remains full participation sex between two people. Dear me, did I say two? Two is another social convention. A lot (most?) furries like group sex. In fact, social conventions seem to go down like dominos once one gets started. That may be why so many (most?) furries are bi. "

Events such as Anthrocon, the largest held each summer in Pittsburgh, allow the community to meet and perhaps let social conventions collapse. With 2000 costumed attendees expected, it's bound to be an exciting event for those involved and slightly shocking for onlookers.

George Gurley's article "Pleasures of the Fur" for Vanity Fair gives insight into a similar event, the Midwest Furfest. Gurley writes: "A moose is loitering outside a hotel in the Chicago suburb of Arlington Heights. The moose -- actually a man in a full-body moose costume -- is here for a convention ... and so is the porcupine a few feet away, as well as the many foxes and wolves.

"Even the people in regular clothes have a little something (ferret hand puppet, rabbit ears) to set them apart from the ordinary hotel guests. One man in jeans and a button-down shirt gets up from a couch in the lobby and walks over to the elevator, revealing a fluffy tail dragging behind him. The elevator doors open. Inside, a fellow is kissing a man with antlers on his head.

"The other hotel guests look stunned.

"'We're a group of people who like things having to do with animals and cartoons,' a man in a tiger suit tells a woman. 'We're furries'

"'So cute,' the woman says."

So, what is it about furry anthromorphic creatures that gets fans' juuces flowing? Giza writes on the Anthrocon site: ""If you as an adult still occasionally like to flip to the old cartoons, or have a stuffed animal sitting on the dashboard of your car, or buy cereal because it has a cool tiger on the box, you may well enjoy what our fandom has to offer."

Sex columnist Dan Savage, of The Onion and Stranger fame writes: "Furries emerged in the late 1990s, right when the first generation of children whose entire lives were dominated by Disney products and imagery came of age. After being exposed to images of cuddly, safe, saucer-eyed, anthropomorphized animals throughout their childhoods, during puberty these same kids had sex presented to them as something deadly and dangerous. The abstinence "educators" and AIDS "awareness" campaigns they were subjected to exaggerated the actual risks of HIV transmission, pregnancy, and death. Is it any wonder that a tiny percentage of this Disney/abstinence generation came to fetishize the safe and cuddly stuffed animals of their childhoods? "

Jonathan Miller, in a letter to the Register disagrees with this type of media perception of furry purely as a fetish.

Miller argues: "While it IS true that there are those who use the furry community as a vehicle for their sexuality, a large majority lead relatively normal lives. The problem that has occurred, and one that the community is very concerned about, is that the news media has decided to single out those with furry-related fetishes and used them to portray the group as a whole."

While Savage sets out an argument which seems plausible, Miller's certainly needs to be given some weight. When it comes to obsessions and fixations, it's best not to tar all with one brush....but perhaps I'm feeling slightly biased today as my desk is adorned with not one but two P.G. Tips Monkeys and my house is overflowing with the teabags that I bought to make them mine! I guess that means it's cups of tea all around!!

Sex Education Gone Horribly Wrong!

While some say we aren't educating our kids enough about sex, cases like that of a Rhode Island couple who gave a 9-year-old child a practical lesson show just how wrong you can go at playing teacher.

Yesterday, Reuters reported the case of Rebecca Arnold, 37, and David Prata, 33, who received three years probation each after allowing Ms Arnold's daughter to watch them having sex.

Proscuters said they told investigators they thought the practice would help the child to learn. Mike Healey, spokesman for state general attorney Patrick Lynch said: "Basically, and I'm tempted to say idiotically, they believed it was helpful to the girl, Ms. Arnold's daughter; they believed it was helpful to her development to see them engaging in various sex acts in front of her."

While the schoolgirl was not forced to watch the romps, she was allowed the opportunity. The case came to light, according to Healey, after the girl mentioned it to her father while visiting him in Massachusetts.

Surely just a "birds and the bees" chat would do, but I guess some just have to go one step further...oh dear.

The Bumper-Humper!

Chatting with a friends last night, the topic turned to sex al fresco. While it's not quite the right weather for sex on a beach, it's a warming thought, now, isn't it? Conversation moved onto one of those wine-induced discussions of the most unusual place for engaging in a bit of nookie. While I raised a few eyebrows with my responses, mentioning that I never had sex in a car left them speechless. Yes, I confess, my names is Karen and I am a car virgin!

Amomaxia, or sex in parked cars, is frequently practised. UK newspaper The Sun reports that half the UK population like to sizzle in the driver's seat. It is so popular that there's even a version of the Kama Sutra on the net specifically for cars...illustrated, of course!

Perhaps it's the throttle or even the phallic shape, but for some speed isn't the only thrill to be had from all that horsepower. Years ago, an ex relayed tales of a previous girlfriend's excitement in cars - whether it was to pop my car cherry I will never know - but apparently, she loved nothing better than to pleasure herself in the passenger seat as the spedometer cruised at 100mph. Of course, in a low-lying convertible, she also had an exhibitionist buzz from lorry drivers watching her.

There's much more fun to be had from cars than merely having sex in them. On the bonnet too would be nice! Sexual activities, such as dogging or carping, require cars not only for transportation to remote spots, but as places which to exhibit and demonstrate your arousal.

However, I wouldn't really call any of this a fetish and certainly not a paraphilia - it's all a bit too vanilla and 'date at the drive-in' for that. But, I must confess that my mind wandered down its sordid path - wondering just how deep the phallic car's attraction goes.

Earlier this month, The Sun reported of mechanic Chris who gives new meaning to a man who loves cars. He claims to have had sex with more than 30 different models in 20 years, plus two motorboats and a pal’s jetski.

Chris, who lives in the West Country, explained his passion: “A nice car for me is a feast for the senses. It’s about smells, feelings and tastes. If I see a gorgeous Mercedes I know I’d love to jump into bed with it.”

The mechanic, who allows visitors to his garage to video him enjoying a muffler shuffle while pleasuring themselves, has owned a string of cars including a black 2.5litre Jaguar X-Type with cream leather upholstery.

The mechanic adds: “It’s all about imagination and creativity. There’s more to car love than exhaust pipes. Stroking the body panels and delicate touching makes excellent foreplay.”

On his website, Chris explains “auto-eroticism” and has even written a manual called "How To Make Love To A Car". Advice includes: "The tailpipe isn't the only option! If it interests you, get hold of a silicon sleeve from Clone Zone or some other tool to make life easier on your tool" and "Roleplay involving the car is another spice. Needless to say solo roleplay requires vivid imagination and the ability to suspend rational thought." So, the car pretends it's dead? Sorry...still got necrophilia haunting me from yesterday!

The mechanic isn't alone in what he calls his 'auto-eroticism'. Other manuals are available on the internet, such as Dekhyr Dragon's definitive "Guide to Sex with Cars (for males)". Dekhyr's top tip? Although, I'm a novice to all this car sex, it has to be: " Never fuck a car hot. I did, once. Once."

So, am I sold on cars and ready to pop that cherry? Erm, no... Maybe it was seeing too much Kitt in the 80's or perhaps even the BJ scene in The World According to Garp but cars, sex and me just don't mix!

That's Mighty Fine Pie, Ma'am

When primal urges are denied, people, go a bit crazy. Take the story of a man in Madrid who held up a pharmacy with two toy guns, demanding their Viagra stocks. While there's a distinctive and profitable market for the impotency drug on the black market, what makes this story slightly odder is that he returned two hours later, perhaps in a post-coital state, armed with two bouquets of roses, before being arrested. I guess the moral of that story could be that even flowers can't say I'm sorry every time.

But, with just one little blue pill costing in excess of £10.00 over the counter at specialist chemists in the UK, is it any wonder that people are turning to criminal circles in search of sexual success? What are the alternatives? Aphrodisiacs, such as spanish fly, oysters, champagne, chocolate and even the horn of a rhino have been linked to pleasure, however medical science does not substantiate those claims.

Psychologist and neurologist Alan Hirsch, author of Scentsational Sex: The Secret to Using Aroma for Arousal, suggests that the answer's in the pie. Hirsch's study of 31 male volunteers at the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago investigated the connection between odours and sex after observing that approximately 18 percent of patients who lose their sense of smell develop sexual dysfunction. The neurological director wondered if the inability to detect odors might have some direct connection with sexual response. Using 30 scents and 46 test odors, including some combinations, he found that a combination of lavender and pumpkin pie showed the greatest measurable arousal, increasing penile blood flow by an average of 40 percent.

Hollywood, it seems, has always understood the power of pie. While in early film, cream pie fights were a source of humour and embarrassment, the 1990's saw them take a decisively erotic slant. Since Twin Peaks , cherry pie reminds me of David Lynch's dark sexuality. And - who can look at an apple pie in quite the same way after watching American Pie [1999]?

Perhaps it's precisely this unique combination of mischief, humiliation and sensuality which sends pie fetishists reaching for the extra squirty cream. Used as part of wet and messy (WAM) BDSM play, this gungy fun involves men and women getting down and dirty with the humble pie. Countless games can be played including: sploshing, pie sitting, pie fights and even 'self-pieing'. A user-run Gunge Survey provides insight into the fixation.

A 32-year-old American man writes: "Ever since I was a small child, I have enjoyed seeing pretty women get pied. (Well, as a kid I enjoyed it, as I got older it aroused me!) Men getting pied doesn't do it for me (in fact, I find it a waste of a good pie!), nor does a pie in a women's breasts or whatever. I really enjoy pie scenes from the Electric Company, Sesame St and the Three Stooges, cuz' I grew up on them, but my favorite pie scene is from a Spanish TV show in which a whole bunch of beauty contestants get in a pie fight. (OH YEAH!) "

Personally, I'm not sure how arousing the Three Stooges or old I Love Lucy episodes are for the WAM fan. Fortunately, the sex industry offers a wide range of delights for the pie fetishist, from brothels which arrange 'pie fighting' to DVDs with that x-rated touch.

While wet and messy play is not for everyone, it appears related to the emphasis placed on the 'cream pie' shot offered up in traditional hard core. To be honest, there isn't a way that isn't crude to explain it, so I'll leave it to the Urban Dictionary . The top-ranked definition comes from Fred who defines it as: "A vagina that's had a load of semen shot into it. Note - semen ON a vagina is NOT a cream pie. Cream pies have cream on the INSIDE. A vagina that merely has semen ON it is just a messy vagina. Cream must be injected!"

It seems there's pies, pies everywhere, but not a pie to eat!

Clowning Around?

Throughout history, right back to the Ancient Egyptians and Greeks, there has been a need for entertainment and humour that has been fulfilled by the humble clown. In their time, they've been known as fools or jesters - but regardless of their title, they've undoubtedly brought humour and laughter to the lives of many.

However, recently we've seen the tide turn for those brandishing the red nose. Perhaps it's the Simpsons Krusty the Clown, films such as Killer Klowns from Outer Space, Spawn comics, the band ICP (International Clown Posse) or 'killer clown' John Wayne Gacy Jr, but fear of clowns, coulrophobia, is on the rise...and there's the marketing to prove it! And if you're still in doubt, check out Jose Chung's list of media references to this fear.

As if the clowning community hasn't enough to deal with, Clown Sex is on the rise. Yes, you read that right...clown porn and all. While sexual bawdiness was a trademark of the clown until the 19th century, clown must-haves such as the Ancient Greek over-sized phallus were replaced by over-size clothes - making them suitable for all ages.

While humour definitely has a place within sexual encounters, I'm not quite sure this is what most of us had in mind. For the clown fetishist, the smell of greasepaint, the sight of full face makeup or clown accessories may send them racing for the box of Kleenex.

Organisations such as Stop Clown Porn Now have set out to bring an end to the sexualisation of the clowning institution. On their website, Infozo the Clown writes: "there currently exists a strong undercurrent in certain sick circles of Western subculture that seeks to reunite the clown with his explicitly depicted sexuality."

The spokesman blames the 80's popularity for 'clowning' for the glut of clown porn on the market now. He writes: "Like all fads, "clowning" was soon replaced with something new that entailed another run to the mini-mall to purchase the appropriate accessories, leaving the old clown costumes behind to spend the rest of eternity on Salvation Army shelves. But this supposedly harmless practice left a sizeable number of clown fetishists in its wake, unable to become sexually aroused without the fool's bells and whistles (not to mention juggling clubs and unicycles)."

The closure of circus schools and a glut of clowns, led him to write that: " Thousands of clowns were now wandering the streets of America with no place to call their own, no job for which they could be themselves and demonstrate their truly remarkable talents. "

Infozo believes that in the 1990's, the porn industry seized this niche for clown fetish and exploited it (and the clowns) via the internet. He writes: "Haven't the clowns suffered enough? They make their work out of self-humiliation, but should they be forced to go this far?"

However, not all clowns are dismayed by the concept of Clown Sex and porn. Porn star and dom Ouchy the Clown, spotting a niche in the sex industry, offers his services via the internet. In an interview with Sex-O-Rama, the star of flicks such as Cirque Noir: The Greatest Show on Earth, does not convey a feeling of being forced into the porn trade. Ouchy said: "I basically combined several disparate aspects of my life. I had been getting into S&M play, and also concurrently attended some parties as a clown... and was really starting to enjoy clowning around. I think the MOMENT came one night as I was leaving to go to an S&M play party. I had dressed in a leather harness amongst other things... and just as we were leaving, the thought occurred to me that I should put on a clown face...so I went back in and did it. The reaction was so crazy at the party, that I began to hatch the idea of Ouchy the Dom Clown the very next day."

While the idea of a dom clown brandishing a whip may not send you to sexually ecstatic, there are over 1.5 million web pages devoted to 'clown sex' and countless dvds to boot. Perhaps it's the taboo of corrupting an 'innocent' art, the tweak of their horn or even the appeal of the 'evil clown' which makes them the object of sexual fixation.

Sticky Situations

While the thought of being bound up and being at the every whim and mercy of a teasing lover may send the female pulse racing, being trapped and left immobile by a precarious real-world situation leaves most women anxious and panic-stricken. Anger and worry mingle with tears as they struggle - helplessly waiting for a knight in shining armour comes to their rescue.

However, be wary of that knight riding towards you, ladies, for he may be a stuck-fetishist in disguise! For these pseudo-knights, seeing a woman (or man) immobilised by a sticky situation - whether it be glued to a chair, sinking in quicksand or bound to another person - has a tendency to leave them a sticky mess.

Private Yahoo groups like Sticky Situations allows those with an interest in both seeing people get stuck and being stuck themselves the opportunity to express their thoughts and share their interests.

Sticky Site offers specialised entertainment for members by covering variations of the stuck theme including those who prefer: cement, tight spaces, chains, captures and encasement. While the site has an active forum, it also has a great deal of links to this sticky community and showcases members' artworks in the gallery and their fiction in an archive as well.

Researching this area, I have to admit that one variety of the fetish intrigued me more than others - particularly as it's blossoming with the help of the internet. From the land of NASCAR we have a niche which combines the joys of stockings, heels and cranking with the all-man horsepower of cars....oh, and mud - lots of mud!

Sites such as Stuck World allow insight into the thrills of women in cars wheel-spinning mud and snow. Frequented mainly by men, the message boards are active with links to stuck scenes in the media, as well as 'finds' on blogs such as Ryann the Stripper's last week. Poor Ryann had a tough time getting her car up the hill in the snow last week and now she appears to have become the fixation for the Stuck World online community as well. Over the last few days, she's been inundated with messages from members about her 'stuck experience' both via her blog and via her My Space account. Yes, they even tracked her down there - to say I was concerned was an understatement!

Among the car stuck community, there is a great deal of discussion about the 'perfect' stuck as well as personal interests and needs. It would appear that the fantasy for members isn't necessarily duplicated in reality so there is a great deal of frustration.

A member, calling himself Broadsword20048 explains: "All I want is to see a nice attractive women get stuck in some mud or snow in a rear-wheel drive vehicle. She doesn't have to be wearing high heels or pumps and a skirt or anything, just be attractive and be stuck like that, but there's always something wrong, like the woman isn't that great-looking.... or she is driving a front-wheel drive vehicle, or the vehicle is stuck and rear-wheel drive but is a MAN (UGH!), I wanna see that perfect stuck!!"

Well, perhaps he should look no further than to sites like Car Stuck Girls which offers a range of dvds catering specifically to this fetish. But, I am struck by the feeling that while these dvds offer up exactly what's desired, the element of having a great 'find' and the surprise of stumbling across an arousing situation is lost.

It seems the greater and more specific the fantasy, the more disappointment there is to be found in reality - which leaves many with internet access heading for the porn sites for their 'fix'. However, as humans, we are born stubborn and determined and we won't let reality step in our way. It seems that whether we're into sticky kinky action or vanilla, we won't stop yearning for our own 'perfect stuck'.

P.S.While some may argue that this isn't necessarily a fetish or paraphilia, in my opinion it definitely falls into the category of unusual sexual interest. All of our boundaries are pushed at times - and my blog is no exception. So - what do you think? Comment and let me know!

Ohmmm's Law

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Just remember, Girls Who Smoke Poke

Ah, the words of motherly wisdom from Lois in Family Guy certainly struck a chord with me.

Lois reminded me of an MSN conversation I had a couple years ago regarding the joys of girls who enjoyed a big fat one between their lips. After years of living in denial of my smoking and assuring partners and lovers that I would 'give it up', I was chatting to a man, who we'll call Pete for the sake of anonymity, who not only supported my addiction - but encouraged it.

He fantasised about pleasuring a woman while she nonchalantly smoked a Virginia Slim from a holder. Seeing a cigarrette perched between a woman's lips, he said, was the most arousing thing in the world. Further into the conversation, he insisted that should we meet (ah, bless the optimist in him). He added, there would need to be continual smoking throughout the encounter.

Well, I'm a pack a day smoker and am more than aware of the dangers of smoking. Realising my lung capacity just couldn't fulfil his needs, like any good reporter, I made my excuses and left.

Historically, smoking was a man's domain until the early 20th century. BBC's documentary Century of the Self detailed how Freudian research was utilised in advertising for many products - from cars to cigarrettes. It really is 'must see' viewing but that's another blog entirely. Anyhow, there was mention of a group of women's rights marchers being told to brandish cigarrettes to assert themselves.

Among women tobacco sales increased and they soon became a symbol for glamour, independence and sexual attractiveness and it still are to some extent, despite concerns over health issues.

Perhaps in recent years issues surrounding health have made nicotine taboo once again. Women like Monica Lewinsky brought the issue of tobacco as a sexual aid to the world's attention during the Clinton Administration.

While magazines like Cigar Aficianado saw a surge in interest in the late 1990's, specialist magazines such as Smoke Signals were created - specifically targetting those with a passion for the phallic fag. The internet is no stranger to this fetish with many sites devoted to films, images and stories of smokin' girls.

SmokingLog, the self-proclaimed 'first and last smoking fetish links', posts up images regularly of women alight with passion in more ways than one. SmokingLog writes of one girl: "When this guy saw his friend lighting one of her extra long slim cigarette wearing nothing but a bra and panties, his smoking fetish basically made him uncover one of her breasts and start licking her nipple while she was smoking! Fortunately for him, she really liked that and was also getting horny"

There are many variations of this fetish from those who desire virgin smokers, cigars or cigarillos. However, for many the buzz is found when watching a woman (or man) stylishly manipulate a cigarette. Aesthetics are everything for the smoking fetishist and many find erotic heights in watching a girl master a complicated act such as a "French" inhale.

In 2005, Rachel Kramer Bussel wrote about a variety of fetishes, including smoking, in the Village Voice. Of smoking aficianados, she writes: "their fetish simply is. It's probably been there since an early age. For many, women who smoke are elegant and mature; smoking also conveys a "fuck you" attitude."

Interviewing Mike Williams, the editor of Smoke Signals magazine, she quotes him as saying that most smoking fetishists "find smoking women more relaxed, mature, and socially competent."

Perhaps we need to look at this fetish more simply. The attraction isn't quite so difficult to understand if we look to Freud for some (phallic) guidance. Just imagine a woman's cheeks sucking in that last drag off a cigarette. Kind of similar to fellatio, isn't it?

Oh, what simple beings us mortals are....

POST SCRIPT: Do you have a smoke fetish? Would you like to share your passion for women skilled at manipulating a Virginia Slim or do you adore smoke play? Email me at karenc1972@hotmail.co.uk.

Break Out the Kleenex - This One's a Sneeze-Jerker

Ah, winter's not-so-sweet symphony is flowing through the air with splutters, coughs and sneezes resounding wherever I go.

Between you and me, there isn't a time when you'll see me feeling less sexual or attractive then when I'm sick. I pity the poor man who is sick in my presence. While my nurturing instinct goes ahead full throttle, the brakes on my sexual thoughts slam quickly.

Well, I lie. As any woman with a sore throat will tell you, men-a-plenty are quick to offer their traditional home-brew sore throat remedy for women. Of course, there is also the urban myth that a sneeze is a tenth of an orgasm. While a sneeze offers a pleasant relief, personally, I'd rather the real thing!

However, for a small group of people, just a sneeze is enough for the full orgasm. While others look forward to summer romps on the beach, for sneeze fetishists, allergy and flu seasons are the best times to spot talent! While most people settle down with a dvd and a box of man-size tissues for some self-love, some members of The Sneeze Fetish Forum simply find arousal in the sight of the tissue or a handkerchief.

Forum member RNAllergicgirl writes of her new boyfriend: "He said that he got allergies one year and they just got worse and worse since then, and now he's allergic to everything! He is even allergic to his dog and cat. I'm so excited because I'm going out to stay at his place this weekend, and we'll be around his pets the whole time. He also mentioned that he doesn't like to take medication, so I'm really really REALLY hoping that .... well I think you can probably fill in the blanks....."

Of her weekend, she writes: "had a great time! met his dog and cat....but he didn't sneeze once... I'm really really REALLY hoping that he has bad hay fever, my GOD how that would be wonderful....(I know I'm cruel, but.....) he did specifically bring up hay fever AGAIN, so I'm guessing it must be something of a big deal for him. AND he brought it up, independently, without any 'facilitation' from me - anyways it was fun and I'm excited....should only be a few more weeks until allergy season starts here.....Yippeee!!!"

While many sneeze fetishists don't wish ill upon others for the sake of a buzz, guilt appears to play rather a large role in this net community...and perhaps not feeling it is part of it!

Blogger Tarotgal, a self-proclaimed sneeze fetishist keeps an archive of erotic fiction on her site as well as writing about her own obsession the subject. She mentions an encounter with an ill marine which makes it seem like she is revelling in not only his illness, but her lack of guilt as well.

She writes: " And when he sneezed- OH but they were perfect hehshhoo!-type sneezes- very wet, medium volume, and just strong enough to sound like cold sneezes. *THUNK*At one point he got up to get some juice and looked so miserable coughing and sniffling, my Boss said something like "Watch out, we've got a sick marine here!" to which he replied, quite patetically "I want to die" OHHHHHH it was so cute!!!!!!! I just about died from the perfection of it all...Poor guy, but I was in HEAVEN."

However, helps is at hand for alleviating the guilt which this fetish may cause. More likely, it is available to fill in those times of year which tend to be sneeze-free. The Sneeze Fetish Forum is not alone in offering advice for inducing sneezing using items such as: pepper, cotton buds and even dryer sheets!

Perhaps Brook Owens of Ashville, North Carolina, USA, could teach sneeze fetishists a lesson or two in the art. ABC News report that the schoolgirl sneezed continuously for three weeks. Her doctors have labelled her machine-gun sneezing episode a 'medical mystery' which defied diagnosis.

Get Pampered

Last night, a friend brought over some dvds she had purchased on Ebay. So, there I was sat, popcorn a-popping in the microwave as she set up the dvd. I love a good comedy, particularly of the black variety, however, nothing quite prepared me for what was about to be shown. The title, The Babysitter, really should have been a dead giveaway - oh and the plain brown wrapper she pulled the dvd out of too! Bless, nothing says friendship like porn on a Saturday night.

As she skipped scenes in the film, I saw the expected sights - forty-something daddy showing a twenty-something dressed up as a babysitter the ways of lurve. I probed for what was so interesting in the last scene but my friend remained tight lipped.

As the scene came on, I was in a bit of a state of shock. Let me set it up for you. As the babysitter sits watching a horror film, she hears a noise coming from the babies' bedroom. She heads up and discovers they're missing and proceeds to search the house for them. Upon reaching the living room, she is greeted by two full-grown men gurgling dressed as babies. Yes, babies - we're talking nappies, bonnets and bottles. Oh, and erections...must not forget them. They proceed to attack her but I think that's about as detailed as you need.

I like to think of myself as open-minded, but I have to say I was left a bit shocked by the scene. It wasn't the sex - it was your standard run-of-the-mill hard-core in that department. However, the nappies just left me feeling a bit, erm, confused.

Apparently, when it comes to paraphilas and fetishes, diaper fetishes and infantilism are quite common. Confessions of a Phone Actress writes in her blog: "One of the most common fetishes I get a request for besides the usual stocking, shoes and domination is the infantile fetish. I can’t pretend to understand it, but I’m going to try. In one night I had two clients request this fantasy. My first client wanted to be changed and breastfed. The other wanted to be changed also, but wanted his ba-ba and binky."

Understanding Infantilism was set up in 1995 to support adult babies (ABs) and diaper lovers (DLs) and to help the public comprehend and accept this behaviour. They explain infantilism as: "a deep and lasting urge with a specific focus. Generally, it is a drive to wear diapers, and may include dressing and acting as a baby as well. Infantilism isn't a fetish, but may coexist with diaper fetishes."

To the onlooker, the dividing line between infantilism and diaper fetishism is a blurry one, which makes their codependence understandable. Sex is a primal need for man - after all, we are but animals who have been designed to reproduce our genetic code. Infantilism appears to neglect the sexual function - rather it relies on the satisfaction of the ego and the whole self. Diaper fetishism is purely about the view of the diaper as a sexualized object. It does not require the nurture and roleplay of fetishism.

The American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders classifies infantilism as masochism. However, while there is a desire by the AB to be controlled and be dominated by the carer, there is normally no desire for harm - only for nurture. They long to return to the days of childhood when our needs were tended to completely by another - including toiletting and feeding.

Sites, like Infantilism.Org, allow ABs and DLs the chance to speak openly about their desires, activities and products, such as Big Baby Binky pacifiers.

So, why do people become fixated in this way? The jury is out on that one but some believe it may be due to stress, environmental factors, learned behaviours or even genetics. Infantilist Tommy has developed a theory that infantilism may be due to childhood stress. While he is not a professional, he does have practical experience with infantilism as well as contact with other ABs and DLs through parties he promotes on his website.

Yes, parties. Forget the champagne and dancing, bottles of warm milk and children's balloon games are the way it's done. For more information about them, check out Tristan Taormino's 2002 article on the Village Voice website.

Even "nurseries" are available for the baby who finds himself without care. Although I'm not sure Nanny Popins will be going on my list of babysitters any time soon. Her specialty is "progressive therapy to transform her Lickle Adult Babies into Lickle Prissy Sissy Girls."

While a man in a nappy - or myself in one - just doesn't appeal, I can relate to their yearning for nurture. It is a basic human need - for many of us there is nothing better than feeling looked after. Although, it must be said that many are satisfied with a much less extreme dose of it.

Now, tell me about your mother

While Freud encouraged his patients to explore their suppressed Oedipal complex, he neglected investigating an entirely different mummy relationship.

Mummification, a specialised bondage, involves the entire body being wrapped tightly until immobilised. Holes, including one for breathing, are then cut to allow access to areas, such as the genitals. Used in BDSM 'play', the aim of the game is restriction of movement and dominance/submission.

While traditional bondage involves ropes and ties, they don't allow for the feel of complete encasement, so a variety of materials are used by the afficianado, such as duct tape, bandages, plaster of Paris, pantyhose or cling film (aka saran wrap) .

Yes, I hear you gasp, cling film. Makes me kind of glad I don't do sandwiches. I'm not sure I will be able to look at a pack up in quite the same way again. However with it being so readily available and relatively inexpensive, it's the perfect choice for those experimenting with these sensations. Plus, I'd imagine that it wouldn't wax your body hair in the process like duct tape might...although I'm not sure that would be a good thing if your real turn-on was pain!

A variety of materials and tools are available for the connoisseur to explore this BDSM niche. With vet bandages, clingfilm and pallet wrap available in the colours of the rainbow, I am reminded that as with any fetish, all senses must be stimulated and a mummy in hot pink duct tape would certainly do that for most people!

DVDs, JPGs and forums on this subject are plentiful on the net. Sites such as Mummification Sex provide their members with a vast library of images and film covering every taste in sensory depravation.

However, some tastes are more specialised than others. Ulrich Harburste is a man with a distinct and unique fixation - indeed, his is a very specialised fetish. The author fantasises about clingfilm play with his 'monochrome buddha', Roy Orbison.

In February, Ulli released a book, Novel of Roy Orbison in Clingfilm and has a website devoted to his interest in the Pretty Woman crooner. Harburste's tales have developed such a cult following that musician Dr Snooks has put one of the stories to music - definitely worth a listen!

Buster's Bursting!

Suffering with bronchitis and lacking TLC, I attempted to perk up my life with some left over chinese and an episode ofSex And The City

As much as I love the Carrie and Mr Big storyline, I was entranced by Charlotte and Buster, the shoe salesman who truly loves his product line. Buster allows Charlotte to have expensive shoes at no cost in exchange for him being allowed to assist her in trying on pairs of shoes. By the sixth pair, Buster's ready to burst with excitement (literally) and Charlotte's only just understanding the trials and tribulations of shoe fetishism.

Also known as retifism, the shoe fetishist's fixation on footwear may extend to interfering with their life - particularly the sexual arena. Rather than let fetshism interfere with his existence, Buster appeared to have built his existence around his fetish.

Brame, Brame & Jocobs (1996) define foot fetishism broadly - it is a deep sexual interest in the lower limb or anything that covers portions of them. The fetishist's response to the foot is similar to a conventional person's arousal at seeing genitalia. The allure of the traditional erogenous zones is literally transposed onto the lower limbs.

As with any fetish, there are unique preferences of the individuals. While some merely fixate on the foot, others may get a kick from a stiletto-heel, purr with delight at the sight of a kitten-heeled boot or long to stroke a silk-stockinged foot. Wet High Heels caters for many different needs with image libraries including: abused shoes, wet shoes, muddy shoes and so much more.

Acts involving feet, including podiatry also may cause arousal. Enthusiasts of the ancient Chinese art of foot-binding, which Freud called a fetish, have many outlets on the internet. Despite being outlawed in the early 20th century, the lotus-foot holds an interest, whether sexual or otherwise, with books such as Beverly Jackson's Splendid Slippers: A Thousand Years of an Erotic Tradition in print.

As odd as this fetish may seem, it is by no means alien to the general public - albeit in a milder form.

In February, The Independent reported of scientific findings from a research team at the University of Bologna investigating sexual preferences who found that feet and their associated objects were the most common desire.

Perhaps this common human obsession with feet is an expected biological one. Apocrine sweat glands in the feet emit pheromones, in a way similar to the glands in the armpoint and genital area. For mammals, the smells admitted play a huge role in sexual attraction for most mammals.

So what is it about shoes that send women into a spending frenzy and men's hearts (and groins) a-flutter?

Speaking to the Independent, designer Christian Louboutin expressed it in simple terms: "A good shoe is one that doesn't dress you but undresses you. So if a woman is naked, and wearing shoes, she should still look nude."

Thrills from the Drill

With my dentist's appointment booked for this afternoon and looking for blog inspiration, I thought what better way to prepare myself for the joy of drilling than with an exploration of dental fetishism.

Medical fetishes are popular and to some extent common with even mainstream sex shops like

Ann Summers selling nurse's outfits. Many patients often feel attraction to their GP, nurse or dentist, although I suspect that this is more due to Stockholm Syndrome

than true sexual desire.

Many observers believe that medical fetishism is rooted in childhood behavioural imprinting. However, dentistry, for many, is a taboo too far. While the thought of having a dental examination leaves many overwhelmed with dread, there are some who derive masochistic thrills from the dentist's drill.

Years ago, I spoke to a friend studying to be a dentist about training. She mentioned that it was an eye-opener and proceeded to tell me about a client who actually asked whether it would be ok for him to masturbate as she worked on him. At the time, she laughed it off, but I could see she was rattled by this paraphilia.

Fortunately for her, the internet has allowed this group to be catered for from the privacy of their own homes. Sites such as

Dental Fetish cater to this group's needs with images of dentistry in action. Unlike your typical porn site, models are shown from the neck up - with focus being given to their crowns, caps and fillings. BDSM dentistry dvds and tools

(calling them toys would be a stretch - even for me) are readily available for those seeking dental action - both in fantasy and reality.

Welcome the 21st Century Mail Order Bride!

In Japan, the market for love dolls, or 'Dutch wives' as they are known is on the rise according to a report by Mainichi News today. The Japanese latex love industry has stretched beyond the supply of models to include doll escort services and specialist magazines for the man who longs for a silicone-lipped lover.

While the Japanese have taken this fetish a step further, it is by no means an eastern fixation. Agalmatophilia refers to those who are aroused or have a fetish involving statues or mannequins. History, religious in particular, is well-documented with groups who worshipped and adored statues - both figuratively and literally.

More recently, however, we hear stories in the news, such as that of 39-year-old Ronald Dotson of Detroit, Michigan. He was sentenced to 18 months on charges of breaking and entering and being a habitual criminal. Some of the incidents involved mannequins, including one dressed as a French maid and in another incident he was found with three clad in lingerie in an alley behind a shop.

However, not all people with this fetish go to such lengths for a fix. Since 1996, companies such as Real Doll have been producing what they claim is the most realistic and technologically-advanced love doll in the world. In the near future, there are hopes that these models will be taken one step further as they become animatronic.

Priced in excess of $6000, each doll is crafted to customer specification and every effort is made to ensure it's realism - with such a high level of detail, they are eerily lifelike.

Customer Jean from Quebec writes in a testimonial: " Received my doll today and I don't find my words to describe her beauty. She's just wonderful !!!!! I love her so much!"

However, these dolls serve a purpose much greater than realism - one must not forget their true calling: gratification. Sexual needs are accommodated with snug vaginal, anal and oral entry points. With a softer silicon used in these areas, the company claim that it is 'very lifelike'.

The dolls are designed in such a way that, when penetrated, a powerful suction effect occurs. The company claim that some users have reported intense orgasms due to this specific feature, particularly when entering the oral cavity.

While the user is provided with easy access to sexual thrills and pleasure, I suspect that the recent rise in the 'real doll's' popularity is about much more than sex or a fetish. After watching a 'real doll' documentary on Channel 5 several months ago, my ex-husband joked that he'd be saving up for a doll very soon as they are 'perfect'.

Customer Jean expands on excitement his doll has brought. He continues: "I get an instant erection every time I touch her, that's amazing, there's no stress to have with her. It's so relaxing and exciting me, that's a great way to calm down after a day of work and a hour of car driving in the traffic."

Surely in these impersonal days of computerised everything, when it comes to love, the human touch is essential. Has our alienation from our fellow man as a result of computers caused us to seek out our primal urges with a piece of moulded latex? Or, perhaps the 'love doll' has become the 21st century mail order bride? Always smiling, always submissive and always ready to please, she only needs a microwave and hoover attachment and she really would be the perfect wife. I, for one, will be watching the Real Doll site for those options when the new animatronic models are released!

All steamed up!

While walking through Victoria rail station one day last year, I noticed an Ann Summers shop open. I wondered how a sex shop fit into the rail travel experience...I'm not a prude but it just seemed slightly out of place.

So, does the thought of a train get you feeling all hot and steamy?

Then perhaps you could be suffering from siderodromophilia - arousal from trains. While joining the 'Mile High Club' tops most people's sexual to-do list, there aren't many who would say no to sex on a train....or no to sex full stop for that matter! With a greater amount of space and longer journey times, there is ample opportunity to not only create, but seize sexual opportunity.

While the London to Reading commuter train at rush hour may leave you hot and flustered for all the wrong reasons, long distance train travel through scenic landscapes exudes sexiness. Classic films such as Hitchcock's North by Northwest play into the romance and excitement that rail travel holds for us.

So, what is the great train appeal that sends couples rushing to the sleeper compartments and anoraked spotters out with their notebooks?

Of course, particularly with modern trains, there is a phallic shape - however, I think the arousal is more from the momentum and tempo of the train's journey. The incessant rocking driving motion duplicates the rhythms of love.

So, go on, be a devil, grab a ticket and book yourself in for a trip with the limitless sexual possibilities!

I can't have sexual relations any more, I'm 98!

A Mexican widow has had to file a legal complaint against a man half a century younger than her when she rejected his propositions and he threatened to kill her, according to a Reuters report last week.

Maria de Jesus Flores, 98, got to know 48-year-old Manuel Martinez when he began delivering her groceries.

She claims that Martinez began propositioning to her to the point of harassment. Her complaint was filed after she said he tried to kiss her and threatened to kill her if she didn't let him move in with her.

She told the Daily Reforma: "He said he couldn't live without me, that he loved me, but that's not for me ... I can't have sexual relations any more, I'm 98."

She also added that she suspected he wanted her to support him financially rather than romantically.

Gerontophilia refers to those who are attracted to those considerably older or those who treat the elderly as sexual objects of desire.

Among Holywood celebrities, we see milder cases of couples bridging the generation gap, such as:

• Lara Flynn Boyle, 36 and Jack Nicholson, 69
• Ashton Kutcher, 29 and Demi Moore, 44
• Calista Flockhart, 43 and Harrison Ford, 64

And, of course we're reminded of former Playboy Bunny Anna Nicole Smith's marriage to billionaire J Howard Marshall, 63 years her senior.

Have a look through websites such as Sugar Daddy, Apollo Network, or any dating site for that matter - whether straight or gay and you will see adverts which illustrate how common intergenerational relationships are, as well as how they are promoted. You won't have to look long before you see your first mention of: "Looking for my daddy".

The Confessions of a Phone Actress blog mentions a concerning call she had in February with a caller looking for a bit of father/daughter phone fun. She writes of her concern as the caller wanted to engage in father/daughter fun of a more illegal nature: "The client was most interested in how young he imagined my body looked against his and then he began with the “Who’s your Daddy?” comments. Again, nothing unusual until halfway into the fantasy he asks, “You want to get in the shower with me?” Before I can say anything in response he continues with, “Mommy will never know.” Boing! Up went the huge red flag. Crap! How do I get out of it now? "

Another concerning aspect of gerontophilia is the potential danger to the elderly person being 'cherished'. Many young women with much older lovers are referred to as 'gold diggers' as they're concerns mainly focus on the material. However, among young men with this fetish, there are some who only attack elderly women. John Wayne Glover, who was convicted of the North Shore Granny Murders in Sydney, Australia in 1991 killed 6 women aged from 70 to 93. His murder method involved giving the victim a hammer blow to the head followed by strangulation using a pair of the victim's pantyhose.

However, if the web sites and magazines set up to promote cross-generational relationships are anything to go by, incidents such as those involving Glover and Martinez are rare.

The Heather Mills Fan Club

Does Heather Mills send you into a frenzy?

No, not in 'I could throttle her' way, I mean sexually. If so, then you aren't alone.

Type in the phrase 'amputee sex' into Google and you'll see exactly what I mean - 880,000 web pages devoted to amputees and their fans.

Acrotomophilia is a term used to describe the arousal from sex with someone missing a limb - whether in reality or fantasy.

Ian Gregson writes in his article Humping Stumps of meeting an active member of the acrotomophile community.

'Don' says:"[Devoteeism] is qualitatively the same thing as an attraction toward any other feature of the opposite sex. Ask someone who likes redheads or large breasts why he's particularly turned on by those attributes and you'll get the same answer, 'I don't know.' "

As with most fetishes, there are plenty of companies out there who are prepared to exploit, erm, cater for this niche market with products such as: bandages, prosthetic limbs, dvds featuring amputee porn stars like Pedro and his 11", erm, burrito, and even specialist love dolls.