Fat Lips

Some days, I feel more like I'm approaching 25 than 35. However, on days like today, when I'm waxing lyrical to friends about the wonders of my Dyson, dilly, I realise that middle age is approaching steadily. While I get excited about it's suction power and its ability to collect dust and the mountains of dog hair my pooch produces, for one group, suction power of an entirely different variety is what keeps their loins moist.

Interest for body modification utilising vacuum pumps extends across gender and sexuality. For men, the specialist pumps are used to increase the size of the penis and scrotum and anyone who has an email account will be familiar with this...usually among the junk mails for viagra and "horny teenage girls want your cock". Some general information on penis pumping can be found on the NewArt site.

Among women, body modification, both for sexual and non-sexual gratification has been increasing in popularity. Facelifts, tummy tucks, chemical peels and lipo are not only readily available but more affordable than ever before. Just today I was reading how busty Jordan is hoping for a sort of fanny tuck/hymen reconstruction after the birth of her next sprog. Botox injections are available at parties and chemists and your typical red carpet event features more collagen than diamonds it seems. These enhancements can sometimes end with the disastrous Leslie Ash "Trout Pout", it seems for women into genital pumping, the "fat lip" look is a MUST. As painful as it appears, those who engage in pumping say it's not painful and increases sensitivity immensely. Companies such as BL Cups sell the pumps (even on Ebay!) needed to obtain such a "look". Repeated use of pumps can obtain semi-permanent results.

While I must confess my immediate concern was for the health rather than sexual implications of this practice, an article in the British Medical Journal reported FDA approval of a pumping device for female sexual dysfunction, which operates on the same principle as those available in sex shops: "the device consists of a small vacuum pump that is placed over the clitoris to apply gentle suction to the region and increase blood flow, aiding in sexual arousal."

The pump was tested on 25 women - 15 with sexual arousal disorder and 10 with normal sexual function. Testing for sensation, ability to achieve orgasm, sexual satisfaction, and lubrication, the results were:

• Female Sexual Arousal Disorder - All 15 reported increased sensation, 7 had more orgasms, 12 experienced more satisfaction, and 11 more lubrication.


• Normal Sexual Function - 4 experienced more sensation, 4 reported improved orgasm, 2 had better satisfaction and 3 more lubrication with the device.


• No adverse effects were reported

I'm not sure such results sell me on the notion of pumping to be honest...with only a 20% chance of an increase in satisfaction I'm not sure it would really float my boat. Plus, imagine the stares afterwards at the camel hoof!