In a bit of "how many fetishes can you cram into one criminal act" news, Pennsylvania's Morning Call Online reported the tale of 20-year old Joseph Eric Renno of Franconia Towniship who was charged with lewd acts at a Wal-Mart outlet.
According to court records, Renno was spotted taking clothing and magazines into a dressing room at the Richland Township store on 1st March.
Alerted by him leaving the dressing room empty-handed, the store's loss prevention officer suspected shoplifting.
Checking the dressing room after his departure, I can only suspect she was shocked to find magazines, a man's shirt, panties and a bra....oh and a thick substance resembling semen on the room's mirror and the clothing items.
Surely an assistant's eyebrows would have been raised as he walked into the cubicle armed with magazines, women's panties and a bra, but I guess store staff are more open-minded than I'd expect.
Journalist Brian McCall comments: "It's illegal to walk into a department store, grab women's clothing and other merchandise, masturbate on it all and then leave. It might just be dumb to go back afterward."
Which is what Renno did. Police went to the Wal-Mart when employees called, found Renno and took him to headquarters for questioning. He admitted masturbating on the mirror and the merchandise, police said.
A preliminary hearing is scheduled for 12th April.
I guess unfortunate Renno's learning two rules the hard way. Never revisit the scene of a crime and perhaps the most important lesson of masturbation...always keep a box of tissues nearby! It prevents mess both to yourself and your criminal record!